


Burnout

by skreaver



Category: Persona 5
Genre: F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Polyamorous relationship, gender neutral reader, ventfic, you're dating all of the thieves but you could see it as a friendship too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-30
Updated: 2018-08-30
Packaged: 2019-07-04 09:22:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15838362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skreaver/pseuds/skreaver
Summary: Your first year of university was… messy. After it was over all you wanted was to sleep, to fall into a place where these feelings weren't real.Luckily, you had some special people to catch you, to help you.





	Burnout

Your first year of university was… messy. 

It was messy and exhausting and almost three weeks after coming home you still hadn't unpacked. Your suitcase and the boxes of things you had struggled to even gather up in the first place sat untouched in your living room, pushed up against the wall. You thought about moving them to your bedroom, thought about unpacking them afterwards, but every time you did your chest felt heavy and your legs begged you to just stay on the couch a little longer, to sleep and sleep and sleep just a little longer until the days passed into nothing, dates unrecognizable and time ceased to be a linear thing in your mind. Until you could sink so far into your couch cushions that you could no longer be considered a separate entity from the piece of furniture. Your whole body rejected any idea that was too strenuous, anything productive, because being productive meant time away from this misery and that was something your heart just didn't have the energy for - even if you pleaded it for it to take, even just a day, from it's endless clinging to this suffocating feeling.

You felt so… far away; like a ship sinking just off the coast, where everyone could see but no one noticed.

Except… everyone noticed. You just convinced yourself they hadn't.

Your phone buzzed next to you, reverberating through the cushions. You almost didn't have the energy to pick it up, to disguise a smile with your fingers, to pretend. But when you saw the familiar icon of your group chat with your fellow thieves, your partners, light up on your screen, you couldn't just ignore it.

_ Hey ____ you alright over there? You've been radio silent the past few days. - Ryuji _

_ Yes, I was just thinking about that myself. Are you doing alright? - Makoto _

You sighed, a bittersweet feeling strangling your lungs as you looked at the texts.

About a week ago everyone had returned home from their respective universities and Akira had come back to spend the summer at Le Blanc so that you could all get together again. Naturally, once the gang was all back home there was no way the group of you weren't going to see each other. Ryujj had thought up the idea for everyone to meet up at Big Bang Burger - easier on the wallet, he'd reasoned - and just spend the night talking or doing whatever you all damn well pleased. At first you had been excited, thrilled even, for the idea to see your friends again and have some real human interaction beyond asking some stranger to borrow their notes. You dug through your suitcase to find one of your better outfits and even fixed up your face which, fairly enough, was something you hadn't felt  inclined to do for a while. You felt, for the first time in a long time, normal - human. The ache in your heart had dulled to a light thump and you prayed it would stay that way.

Your prayers went unanswered.

You had been on the train, minding your own business, eager to get to where you were going, when a familiar voice called out to you - loud and brimming with cheer. Your heart had jumped, recognizing the voice, and your feet spun on giddy toes to have the face of that voice in your sights. Your eyes locked… and your heart smacked against the pavement of the concrete cage you had built for it over the past few months. He was… gorgeous. Ryuji had always been a looker but it was far more pronounced now. Those once humble hills that formed his biceps had grown, not unbearably so but enough that the obviousness of the strength within him couldn't be questioned. His calves were solid and sturdy, surely from all the running he'd done. He was defined and sharp and….you couldn't help but want to shrink away when he hugged you. You could feel the press of a modest four pack against the pudge of your stomach that you never made time to lose while you were away - in fact it was somewhat worse now.

He looked into your eyes, bright and shining and when he told you that you looked so much  _ sexier  _ than he remembered you almost sobbed, those words feeling like scratching a bug bite: pain and burning that smothered the small bits of relief. When he pressed his lips against yours, with the same hunger he had the last time you had been wrapped up in his bed, you wanted to fall apart because all you could think about was how fast this fire was sure to burn out.

It… didn't get better when you saw everyone else.

They were all… beautiful. 

Akira was the definition of debonair personified, what with his signature curly locks framing his thin face, of which had carved out his cheekbones, sharpening them enough to cut diamonds. Makoto was a  _ woman.  _ She had always held a level of maturity to her but it was absolutely  exemplified in that moment, in that white blouse and black mini skirt that hugged her hips just beautifully. Yusuke looked like  _ he  _ belonged in a museum, a perfect picture of androgyny with his slim figure and that face of his that was far too  _ pretty  _ to belong to any gender. Akechi looked poised and composed as he always had but there was a light in his eyes now. He looked healthier, brighter. Ann was Ann - the picture of beauty and youth. She looked like she hadn't aged a day. Haru had managed to make elegant look fluffy and adorable in the most complimentary way. Even Futaba had changed, more grown and confident, tighter steps in her walk.

Then there was you… chunky and sad with nothing to offer. Yet they acted like you were all on the same playing field, as if you were all equals. As if someone on the outside looking in wouldn't notice the odd one out - the chipped puzzle piece that was decorated to fit in the group but just… didn't. Jagged edges didn't fit into smooth surfaces with perfect, L-shaped angles.

You… tried not to focus on it. Tried instead to focus on the personalities of your partners, the ones you had fallen in love with. Your heart hammered away in your chest something exhilarated yet panicked. It felt so nice to be with them again and yet so…. so painful.

“How was your year ___?” Akira’s voice prickled through the static of your mind.

“Oh, it was... alright I guess” you shrugged, half hearted grin on your face.

You could see the falter, the exuberant shine in their eyes dim. They had all had such wonderful, successful years and yours was just ‘alright, I guess.’ Part of you felt guilty for not trying to ham up the few good moments you did have - if not just to keep the mood flowing.

You made the effort to try and save it, at least. “Oh no I don't mean it like that! I just… it was fine, you know? School is still school after all” you could hear the brokenness in your chuckle and you hoped it was only your ears that caught it.

“You got that right” Ryuji sighed, carrying the conversation away from you. “Track was awesome but classes still suck”

“You know, you wouldn't have it so bad if you actually studied once in a while” Ann chided, reaching over the table to poke him in the forehead with her chopsticks.

He reached a hand out to swat her away. “Aw shut it!”

Just like that the conversation carried itself and you were free to float in it's waves again, endlessly drifting in a sea of beautiful shells and their ethereal songs while you just tainted the water.

The night continued on much like that and you snuck through quiet and complacent as your heart threatened to spill out of your mouth. You made it through almost completely sealed, the end seemed to be in sight.

Except for one hiccup.

An old haunt. The arcade.

Some time after you disbanded as the Phantom Thieves that place became a regular hangout for all of you. Even Yusuke had come to love it, having taken to playing the rhythm games.

The lot of you spent an awful lot of summers in the place so when you passed by, everyone all on their way to the train station, it had become imperative that you stop to spend some time there.

While everyone excitedly crowded in you lagged somewhere at the back, dejected from your lost opportunity to go home and relieve yourself of the tears that had been gathering up behind your eyes for some time. God, did you feel pathetic. Everyone else was having a grand old time and you were faking smiles, trying not to burst into a full on emotional breakdown but damn it you couldn't help it! College left you a defeated, ugly mess and you just… wanted to go to bed. You couldn't stand yourself and being next to people so wonderful and vibrant made you feel… so small. The worst part was that you knew it shouldn't. You should feel happy and blessed to have people you loved so much in your life. Hell, you were in a relationship with  _ eight _ people where the common link of affection for all of them was  **_you_ ** for heaven's sake. Yet somehow… you just felt empty, broken.

You didn't want them to know that though.

So, eventually you found your way to a shooting game after your lovers all had fanned out. Your hand reached out to grip the fake gun with a sigh. The weight of it trudged up old memories of how your own fake gun used to fit in your hand in the metaverse. It reminded you of how well you used to use it - how confident you had been back then.

How times had changed.

You let a coin slide from your fingers and into the machine's slot, ready to start the game.

At least until you felt a finger tap gently at your shoulder. You shivered, caught off guard, and swung your head over your shoulder. The sight you were met with was a handsome boy charmingly smiling at you.

“Oh, hey, Akira!” you smiled, forcing enthusiasm to some degree, even if you were happy to see him.

He leaned into your ear, lips but a breath away from it, and spoke gently yet just loud enough to be above the conundrum of the noisy establishment. “Room for one more?”

Your soggy heart caught in your throat but ultimately there was no denying him, not with that level of charm. “Sure!”

He chuckled, low yet mirthful, before wrapping his fingers around the other gun and popping a coin into the slot, just as you had done. The two of you watched as the game booted up, making silly comments to each other as the game set the scene. It opened on a Jurassic Park themed narrative, explaining to you why you had to shoot dinosaurs rather than just starting off on a level and letting you go haywire. Although the cheesiness of it all was something you actually found a bit entertaining.  

When the game actually started and the two of you took to action, you found yourself transported to a different place in time. It felt like then, back when you were thieves. Akira jokingly called out “cover me!” as herd after herd of dinosaurs came barreling towards the screen and though it was all fun and games now your mind recalled a familiar situation, one where that wasn't quite so much the case. It reminded you of a time when it had been just the two of you in the metaverse, down to your last bullets, surrounded by shadows, separated from the others.

“They're closing in!” a playful voice of the present mixed together with a strained one of the past.

You kept your eye on the end goal. Standing beside him, -  _ back to back _ \- your gun was trained on the dinosaurs -  _ the shadows _ \- shooting them down one by one. It was a long and rigorous process, one that at some point had almost grown overwhelming. Mild annoyance at the possibility of losing a game had been nothing compared to the possibility of losing your lives.

But then… it was over.

_ YOU WIN. _

_ “Joker… we did it..” ragged breaths escaped your lips. _

"Hell yeah, we wrecked them dinosaurs!” you whooped.

Then Akira turned to you smiling softly -  _ staring passionately -  _ and placed a kiss against your lips -  _ pulled you in tight to his chest and molded his lips into yours -  _ as his arms wrapped around your waist.

You giggled softly and wrapped your fingers into his hair, sadness on hold as you reveled in this feeling.

He slowly pulled away, just enough to press his nose against yours. “Brings back memories, doesn't it?”

You're hazy and lost in those eyes. “Sure does” you breathed. “I think I like the circumstances here better though, jus’ sayin’ “

He laughed at that, gentle and light. “I think I'd have to agree”

You almost forgot about your pitiful feelings, lost in this moment.

“But…” he paused, treading carefully it seemed. “I think I'd agree more if... I knew why you've been looking so down tonight”

Almost. But almost was a cruel word - the effect of malignancy.

“Ah…” your gaze fell, trying to find your feet but you instead find your chests pressed together.  “You noticed?”

“I don't think anyone hasn't if I'm honest, darling”

Bug bites. His words felt like bug bites.

“Ahh…” you couldn't meet his gaze, the floodgates were already crumbling. “I'm sorry…”

He nudged his nose ever so softly against yours, beckoning your hesitant eyes to meet his. “Why sorry, my dear?”

“I just… don't want to ruin everyone's night. They're so happy to be home, to be here and I… can't take that away from them”

“Are you saying that you… aren't happy to be home?” he's curious, prying without trying to be too invasive.

_ Dammit... _

“No I am, I just….” a heavy sigh rushed out of your mouth as words started to become difficult to formulate into carefully constructed sentences, ones that were honest yet discreet. “I didn't have the best year and I guess it followed me home” you tried to shrug it off, make it seem less than it was but he wouldn't buy it. You knew that.

“Did something happen?” you know he's searching your eyes, those that won't meet his.

_ Not something…. everything…. _

“I guess college was just tougher than I thought it was going to be” it wasn't a lie but it wasn't the whole truth either. “I'll be fine I'm just… still kind of reeling from it I think”  

“That's understandable” he spoke. “But just remember that we're here for you, for whatever you may need”

You felt this sick, twisted churning in your gut, ike your whole body just rejected the idea of asking for help, of being a burden or bothering anyone. The part of your brain that had so vehemently began to doubt your self worth twisted your thoughts so cruelly. Somewhere in the back of your mind you began to wonder if they would even care about all this nonsense - if they would care about you. They had always been there in the past but this inescapable anxiety about your very existence as a human being revoked that credit; the credit you had once given them to always be by your side. Now all you could picture was that perfection of your group of partners walking away, abandoning you for better prospects.

All you could manage say to Akira was “Thank you…” in a voice filled with disbelief. The look of doubt he gave you made you ill.

Yet all the same, the night ended like that. You hid behind a weak smile and at the end of the night you went home.

The days following you barely moved, barely spoke. You did as much as get yourself to the bathroom and half heartedly shoved anything you could into the microwave, in an effort to soothe your growling stomach. The group chat buzzed but you barely read the messages, let them carry on conversations without you. Now and again, noting your silence, your partners would address you but it wasn't like you gave them much to work with.  

_ Yeah sorry, just been tired I guess. _

It was the same excuse you were giving them now as they called out to you yet again.

_ You've been saying that for quite a while now, dear. Are you sure you're alright? - Yusuke _

Called out. A part of you wanted to spill everything you'd been holding back but your anxiety kept you a safe distance away from doing that. It was like being on a seesaw that tipped so dramatically in one way only to reel back in favor of the other option in a never ending cycle.

_ I'll be fine. I think I just need time. I'm sorry I'm being so annoying. _

_ You're not being annoying! We want to hear what's going on, that's why we keep asking! - Ann _

You didn't remember when it started  _ hurting _ to have people care about you.

_ ___, it's understandable if you're not feeling up to it but why not come out to a movie with us? Get your mind off of things? _ \-  _ Goro _

It was surreal to think that Goro Akechi would think a movie night with friends was apt therapy.Before this he would have never suggested being in a group as a coping mechanism, he had been desperate to not relive the years of pain that had driven him to do such terrible things. Yet between professional help and the afternoons you spent reassuring him that it wasn't too late for him, that he was good deep down, had really helped after all.

Too bad you couldn't take that advice on your own though. Seemed it really was easier to love anything or anyone more than yourself.

_ I don't think I can, I'm sorry. _

_ Do you want us to come over there then? We could have a movie night and order pizza! - Haru _

_ I don't think I'd be all that much fun to be around, right now. I'm… not my best at the moment. _

_ Are you kidding? Do you think we care? If you're not your best that's all the more reason for us to be with you! - Futaba _

____,  _ it might be even better for us to come over in that case. I understand that in times like these you may need to be alone... and maybe I'm overstepping my boundaries, but I think you need someone to talk to, to lean on. - Makoto _

The truth had never stung quite as much as it did then.

_ I couldn't ask you guys to do that. It's my… stupid feelings. I just need to get over it. _

_ Bein’ sad ain’t stupid ___. An’ sometimes you need other people around to help you out. - Ryuji _

_ Why are you guys so adamant on helping me? Like, don't get me wrong, it's super sweet but I don't want to ruin your night. _

_ We care for you ___. It's natural to want to be there for the ones you love. I don't think any of us would consider a night “ruined” if it's spent in your company, trying get you into a better mindset. - Yusuke _

_ Yusuke’s right, you know? We're all here for you, whatever you may need. - Akira _

He always had to be cheeky didn't he? Even when he was trying to cheer you up he still had to remind you of what he had told you a few nights prior. How he had said you wouldn't ruin the evening by talking about your feelings. That they loved you and wanted to be there for you.

You were silent then, unable to think of anything to say. Part of you…the smallest part of you, really wanted this. You needed someone to be here, holding you, helping you but you didn't know how to ask. Wouldn't it be selfish of you to need this? To have them put their whole night on hold for you? Did you even deserve this? You were sure you didn't but… somehow the strength to argue with them about it anymore had left you. You were bare and needy, clingy for this attention, this love they were so gracious enough to give you.

_ So… will you allow us to come over? We really want to see you ___. - Haru _

_ I…. I guess so. If it's really what you want to do. _

_ I think I speak for everyone when I say that we do. We want to help you. - Akira _

_ Exactly. - Goro _

It was a rare moment when Goro agreed with Akira but it was refreshing nonetheless.

_ So, what time works best for you __? - Goro _

_ Well… _

There was no fighting it anymore.

_ I guess ten, if that works for everyone? _

There's a round of agreements and before long the chat goes quiet, everyone having ventured off to get ready and gather themselves.

You looked up at the ceiling, water moistening your eyes but you begged the small rivers to stay their course, if only for a little while longer. _ I guess… I should do something... _

Sluggish and heavy steps guided you to the bathroom. You managed to wash your face and get yourself looking a bit more lively, combing down your hair that had frizzed up due to prolonged exposure to being smushed against the couch cushions. You then convinced yourself to at least put on something that wasn't just an oversized t-shirt, opting for a pair of leggings and a better looking shirt. It wasn't much but the effort was there and you hoped it was enough because even just these simple tasks were a struggle for you right now.

Propelled on by the discomfort of your lovers seeing your apartment in such a state of disjunction, you found the last reserves of spare energy you had to move your boxes into your room, even if that's as far as you managed to go with it. Your place wasn't too bad otherwise, after all trash was in the trashcan at least. Plates were in the sink, where they should've been in the dishwasher but it wasn't like you really thought about that until now, realistically speaking.

_ Knock knock. _

Well, wasn't like you had much time to worry about it any longer.

You let out a loaded sigh, body becoming heavy with twisted anticipation as your chest tightened. You had to remind yourself that these were people who cared about you, not people looking to make a mockery of you, to tell you that you failed.

A sliver of a positive thought encouraged you to answer the door and the sight that was beheld to you almost made everything worth it. In front of you was your eight partners and they were all dressed down, some in sweats and t-shirts while others were in actual pyjamas. They were all smiles, seemingly proud of the collective choice in attire.

“What's all this?” you laughed, heart light for the first time in months. “Feeling a little casual?”

“Well, we figured since you were feelin’ pretty down you might not want to get all dolled up” Ryuji grinned, having thrown on a tank top and cargo shorts himself.

“Aww, you guys are so sweet” you cooed, genuinely moved by how much they must have thought about you to decide this. “Come on inside then, make yourselves at home”

You stepped out of the way of the group of them, letting them pass into your home. To your relief none of them seemed too perturbed by the state of it and you silently thanked yourself for gathering up enough stamina to tidy up a bit before they got here.

Ryuji plopped himself down onto the couch, kicking off his sandals in a show of his brazen personality. He looked to you, a hint of gentleness eyes.

“So, what's eatin’ ya, babe?” he asked suddenly, making you swallow a heavy breath. While you knew this was going to come up sooner or later you weren't exactly ready for it to be right then and there.

“Ah, uhm… well…”

Thankfully, Ann's general intolerance of Ryuji’s unintentional insensitiveness gave you a bit of relief when she bopped him over the head with her own flip flop.

“You idiot! You don't just ask without making sure they're comfortable first!”

“Oww! What the hell’s wrong with askin’? Ain't that what we're here to do in the first place?!” Ryuji barked back, nursing the sore spot on his head with his fingers.

“That is indeed our intention but oftentimes outright asking someone who feels like they'll be burdening you with their problems, without assuring them that they won't be -” Goro, who had been speaking, turned to you with a gentle smile as he said those words  “- will cause them to get nervous.”

During the detective’s time in therapy, after your dealings in the metaverse,you would often create scenarios in which he felt most comfortable divulging his true feelings to you, assuring him as many times as needed that you wouldn't judge him for his emotions. Given the soft, knowing smile he had sent your way, you had to assume he was hearkening back to those same techniques you used to use.

It made you feel… warm. Like for the first time in a long time, you felt like you'd done something right.

“Alright, alright I get it geez” Ryuji sighed, mumbling about how he ‘just wanted to know, dammit.’

You couldn't help but giggle just the softest bit, touched by all the concern even if it did make you a bit anxious. “I appreciate it, Ryuji. I promise I’ll tell you I just… need some time”

“You better” he frowned. “We ain't leavin’ til we know you're alright”

“I… appreciate that.  Thank you guys, really”

You felt a gentle hand on your shoulder, one who's tender grip you immediately recognized. You turned to find soft eyes peering at you through a pair of spectacles, vieled by curly, black hair.

“You don't have to thank us” Akira soothed, voice sweet and easy, calming like a hot shower, as he rubbed his palm into your shoulder. “We're here because we want to be so just relax, alright?”

“Hehe, I'll try” it was weak, your laugh, your smile but… you were starting to feel a bit more optimistic, a bit lighter.

The night got underway with your group of eight taking apart the couch, putting cushions and other such squishy things in a circle on the floor so that sitting would be a bit more comfortable. There may have been a short pillow fight between you and Futaba, but it ended peacefully with the two of you toppling onto the weapons in giggles. Blankets were then passed around with up to three of you squished underneath, making it so that even with the lot of you situated some ways from each other, you were still all comfortably close.

By the time the main event had arrived - pizza and a movie, that is - you had actually been feeling a bit more like yourself and far more cheerful than you had been in the past year. Everyone had been so sweet, lavishing you with attention, kisses and thoughtful requests for you not to move an inch, them being more than happy to get anything you may need. You had felt a bit queasy when it all first started, stomach an unsettled gurgle as you were smothered with love you weren't quite sure you deserved. You had been quiet and far more fidgety than anyone was used to and yet… they just embraced you more. Yusuke had caught you from behind at some point, peppering sweet kisses all over your neck. Haru was always the best for snuggles. She was fluffy, soft and you loved it so. Ryuji caught you in a tickle attack somewhere down the line and you had even found joy in that. They all did what they could to show you how much they cared and little by little they left almost no room for you to doubt that they loved you.

Everything felt… surreal. You… had never felt so cherished before. Maybe, you thought, this night would end better than you expected.

But… it couldn't ever be that easy, could it?

The chosen movie for the night had been picked in good taste, but… it seemed your emotions had different ideas about that. The film had been something of a family drama narrative in which the main focus of it was a young girl struggling her way through highschool trying to be the model student her parents expected her to be. In movies like this the parents usually did have the best intentions at heart, even if they were clouded, but things were always bound to get complicated - especially if there was another child involved. And there was. An older brother, dropout, trying to be a musician. Somehow it wasn't the girl’s plight but rather the struggling self confidence issues of the older brother that broke you apart.

It all reared up in one scene. Stressed and angry the little sister lashed out on her older brother, threatening to mimic the words her parents had abused him with for years.

_ “You know what you are?!” _

_ “What?! What am I, Lisa?!” _

_ “You-! You're-!” _

_ “I'm trash, right?! My music sucks and I'll never amount to anything, right?! That's what you want to say, right!?” _

The sister grows quiet but you could feel the dam breaking behind your eyes. Those words plucked at your heartstrings in a familiar, somber tone that left you broken at the end of every night for the past year.

_ “I get it, alright?”  _ he's soft now, sniffling and broken.  _ “I hear this shit from mom and dad all the time, you aren't telling me anything new. It's always ‘when are you going back to college’ and ‘when are you going to grow up’ and dammit I've been  _ **_trying_ ** _. But nothing ever works. No matter what I do. I just… I'm just starting to think maybe I never should have been here in the first place….” _

The whole speech left you a shivering mess but it's that last line, the doubting of his purpose in this life, that twists a pitiful sob out of your mouth. It's one that  you tried desperately to hide, but in the end that endeavor was useless.

“____?” Goro uttered your name gently, a bit taken back by your sudden switch in emotion. The warmth from his arms wrapping around your shoulders only draws you in deeper to your feelings, as if being comforted only made you feel more like crying. He's the only one to notice at first, having been closest to you, but when you open your mouth to try and protest that you were fine, your broken voice rung loud and clear in the living room.

“____, what's wrong?” Yusuke murmured gently.

“Are you okay, sweetheart?” Makoto pressed softly.

You shook your head, trying to ward off their worries, to just let them go back to enjoying the movie but your heartbroken sobs wouldn't let you hide any longer.

“I'm fi-ine… I ju-ust….” you sunk into yourself, burying your head in your knees. You couldn't lie any longer, couldn't pretend. You had been stripped bare, down to your bones and the dull glow of your soul.

You're surrounded in an instant, arms smothering you in a mass embrace. There's eight people clamoring to share their warmth with you, even if it's only their hand on your leg or fingers lightly brushing your arm and you can't understand  _ why _ . Why were they still here? Why did they care? It wasn't like anyone else had ever stayed or cared so why… why were they here now, letting you be so weak and pathetic?

“Darling, will you please tell us what's wrong?” Akira’s calming voice finds your ear and so does his lips in a gentle kiss.

“Please ___. We only want to help” Ann beseeched, voice edging on desperate tones as she relieved a situation similar to this, only that had been a bit more dire at the time.

“I just….” you choked, trying to gather the will to speak. “You guys are all so wonderful and I'm just… I'm just me….”

“What's wrong with being ‘just you’, my dear?” Goro’s voice is soft in your ear and his fingers are gentle as they weave through your hair.

“Being ‘you’ is what has helped us all so much __. You're kind and strong. I don't see how that could ever be a problem” Haru wrapped her fingers into your one hand, holding them tight against her own.

“But I'm just….” you hiccuped, trying to control your incessant sobbing. “..ugly and stupid… I don't belong here… with you guys”

A voice, not intending to be curt, but coming off a bit sharper than the situation called for cut through the air. “I beg to differ”

A pair of hands clasped around your free one, holding it tight and flush in their grasp. You recognized those long, thin fingers anywhere and his tone beckoned your gaze. You peeked up at the artist over the hill of your knees, breathless at the passion in his eyes.

“You are extraordinary, exquisite. A true work of art that not even I could transcribe to a canvas. I will not let you speak of yourself in such an ill manner”

You felt like a deer caught in headlights, paralyzed by the intensity of his voice and the ardent fire in his eyes. Surely Yusuke had spoken outlandishly to you before but this was… heartstopping. No one had ever quite said those things to you before or looked at you like he had in those moments.

“Cool it, Inari. They're still crying, you know?” Futaba hushes. She poked him in the side, which effectively released you from the permanent hold his eyes had on you when he winced in response.

“It's not as if he's being untruthful though” Makoto agreed, a sweet smile on her face and comforting hand on your thigh. “You really are quite amazing ___. Even with all you've been through you still think of others, still smile even if you have every right to scowl and be disinterested with the world”

“An’ what's this about being ugly? From where I'm standing I think we bagged one of the sexiest on the market” Ryuji grinned at you in a way that made your heart flip, made you believe him despite your overwhelming self doubt.

“You absolutely belong with us ____. Our group wouldn't be the same without you. In fact I doubt this whole thing we have going on would have even started without you.” Ann smiled, squeezing your arm tenderly. “After all, you were the one we all liked to begin with” she giggled.

You kept the memory of that day close to your heart, like a cherished stuffed animal from childhood. You could never forget the faces of your then soon-to-be lovers standing at your door, each their own shade of flustered. They had asked to come in, sat you down with a cup of tea and very slowly, calculatedly explained that the group of them all had feelings for you.

_ “Some of us feel for others in the group as well but… I don't think I'm exaggerating when I say that you're the person we collectively feel for the strongest” Yusuke had said at that time, abnormally unable to make eye contact with you. _

You had been at a loss for words. Of course you would be, you couldn't, in your wildest dreams, ever imagine something like this happening.  Whilst stuck in your stupor they had told you that you weren't obligated to do this if you weren't comfortable, and it was in that moment that the switch in your brain clicked, your head shaking vigorously. 

There was not a chance in hell you would pass up such a blessed opportunity and even now you were content with that decision.  

Especially now, were you content with that decision.

The tears had a hard time staying your smile as you thought about that day. “Yeah… I remember….”

“Then you should remember how important you are to us. No matter what may have happened when you went away to university, nothing could make us want to part with you” Goro chimed in, pulling you closer against his chest. “And if you find it hard to believe us then we'll be here until you do. I, for one, owe you that effort the most”

_ Because you stayed with me until I believed you. Stayed until I believed I was worthy of love and redemption. _

He didn't have to say it for you to hear the unspoken thoughts on his mind. Such a thing brought an unequivocal warmth to your being, a comfort you'd been stripped of until now.

“Speaking of what happened at university….” Futaba mentioned, her tone careful and measured. “... do you think you could tell us? I know you might not be up to it but talking can help sometimes, you know?”

“I admit, I would like to know myself” Haru added, making you feel a bit unsteady as the vote for you to be honest grew in number. “I don't want to force you, dearest, but maybe we could help more if we knew what happened”

You closed your eyes, trying to swallow the anxiety in your chest, trying to recall the wreck of a year without getting too emotional. It took a bit but you managed to come clean after a while.

“It was just… a mess” you started, heaving a long, loaded sigh. “I barely made it through by the skin of my teeth when it comes to grades. Most of my teachers hated practically everything I gave them. I couldn't make any friends either and I'm pretty sure I gained the weight I wanted to lose” 

It sounded so… pathetic when you said it out loud. But even then it's not like you could help the way all of it had left you feeling. That year you spent lost and alone, swirling in an abyss of never ending failure and you  _ hated _ it. You had never felt so at odds with the universe than you had then and the stress from it all eventually did you in, reducing you to this. Emotional and fearful.

“What? How could they hate everything? You're, like, one of the smartest people I know!” Ryuji scowled, tone ripe in disbelief.

“They couldn't have hated everything. What about that paper you sent me? The one you were turning in for the end of the year?” Akira asked, reaching out to gingerly move a lock of hair behind your ear.

You shrunk into yourself, recalling the icy tone and the disinterested look your professor had used to reprimand you.

“My professor said that the only thing that saved me from failing was the fact that all of my information was accurate” you admitted sadly, voice dropping to something barely above a murmur. “Otherwise…. it was the most boring, lackluster piece he had read in his career”

There's a collective noise of disapproval from the group and Akira, who had posed the question, clicked his tongue suspiciously.

“That's awfully rude for a professor to say to a first year, to anyone really” he stated, rigid as his eyes narrowed pointedly. Though, his expression did soften when he addressed you, looking gentle as possible so as not to harm your aching heart any further. “For what it's worth, I thought your paper was rather engaging”

You forced up a weak chuckle, trying to not let the compliment go unappreciated, even if you had a hard time accepting it. “Thanks”

“Geez, that sounds awful though. No wonder you've been so in the dumps since you got home” Futaba empathized, looking to you with an apologetic frown.

“Yeah, for real. I had no idea things had been that rough. Why didn't you tell us, hun?” Ann asked, brows creasing in concern.

“Well you guys always seemed so happy in the group chat. It felt like I was the only one struggling and I didn't want to be that guy, y’know?”

“If you're hurting ya gotta tell us, babe. You ain't bein’ ‘that guy’ if we want to know what's going on. Besides a lil’ complainin’ never hurt nobody”

Makoto nodded in solidarity with what Ryuji had said. “Yes he's right. We're always here for you,for the good and the bad”

You let out another deep sigh, a breath of air you didn't realize you were holding. “I know, I know… I'm starting to get that now” and you were, truth be told. It took until then to realize, that even if you had felt isolated at college you were never truly alone. You had a whole group of people ready and waiting to help you. They had done an outstanding job of proving that to you tonight.

“Well we'll have to make sure you get it all the time!” Futaba grinned, leaning into your side.

“Yes, it would be our pleasure!” Haru chirped, squeezing your hand a bit tighter in hers.

There's a round of agreement as everyone crowds in closer to you, bestowing affection in any way they could and genuinely just making you feel loved - returning that warmth that had been stolen away from you. You’re swathed in cuddles, nuzzles, kisses and it's a pile of adoration you would never ever leave if time allowed.

You felt full, complete in a way you never thought you could be.

“Guys, you know I love you, right?”

There's a soft, melodious chorus of “awww”s that is followed by that same group of voices echoing your words back to you.

“We love you too ____!”

It was in that moment, you could say with the utmost certainty, that you believed them.

You knew dark times would be back to test your faith, such as was the way of the world, but they had given you so much of themselves that night. They had given you a confirmation no one else ever had before. They tried for you.

It was only fair you tried for them, for the people you loved, and those that loved you.

**Author's Note:**

> Whoooo, a whole mess of feelings LOL Lately I've been feeling a type of way and I know a lot of other people feel this type of way so I fgured why not remedy it with some Phantom Thief love? 
> 
> I'm sorry if it seems like the girls play less of a part in this, I had originally intended for it to be just the boys and then I was like 'no, throw them all in, we love them all' so that's what I did. 
> 
> Anyway, as always, if you liked this, if you didn't, I would greatly appreciate a comment letting me know! Comments keep me going and keep me motivated! Thank you for reading!


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